Ellabeth The GOP Counselor
She Feels Your Pain
They were the finest talents in our Party, and they smashed each other like bright-red ripe tomatoes. They spent a fortune shredding their own proud red reputations and rosy red careers. Red hearts were broken. Red relationships were shattered.
I'm Ellabeth and I'm here to help. Tell me what hurts, and I’ll make it better. Tell me your doubts and your fears, and I’ll help you face up to them. Tell me who put that knife in your back, and I’ll hug you until the bleeding stops.
You ask, I’ll answer. You cry, and I’ll cry with you. I might not be the most famous political-relationship counselor in the world, but at 6.3 tons I’m the biggest. Pour out your troubles and I’ll absorb them like a huuuge leathery sponge with tusks. Write to me. Sending that note is your first step on the long road to healing.
Get counseling from a compassionate elephant instead of Rupert Murdoch
Illustration By Victor Hernandez
Ellabeth Works For Peanuts